This morning I woke up with every intention of being productive. I made a cup of joe, sat on the sofa with my laptop & HGTV blaring in the background. I decided to take a “quick peek” at Pinterest and then that’s where everything turned into a blur. I landed upon an old blog of mine and read some of its contents. The thought that seeing things that reminded me of my evolution seemed like a good idea at the time; and then this…
I’m @ the end of my rope. I see that it’s over but I needed to see him again. Never knew it would end like this. I imagined a much happier ending…okay, i never imagined an ending @ all. Disappointment is no stranger. He rears his ugly head again…this time, I wasn’t prepared. I thought this time was different. At least it felt that way and that’s why I was so willing to break the rules. I guess rules are rules for a reason…but I’m a rebel, right?
And so now what???? Back in his arms again and it feels so good. *sigh* Tears stream as I try to hide them. We don’t talk about feelings…we just don’t. We don’t talk. How am I surviving this? Another relationship where I can’t see myself…can’t be myself. When does it end?
So I ask myself “Why am I here?” LOVE…Why??? Why did God design me to LOVE this way?? Why?? Why did God design me to LOVE “HIM” this way? I thought I was able to walk away from anything. I guess this another lesson..that I, obviously, haven’t learned..
So that is where I stayed for a moment, looking at the screen and channeling feelings that had been tucked away. It was bittersweet. I’ve grown but my memory’s recollection stilled me and I was stuck in its grasp. SNAP OUT OF IT!!!! *sigh* Boy am I glad that’s over…or is it?